Volume
by Glowing Blue
Summary: A new chapter of their lives begins, but neither is ready for the changes it brings along with it. One-Shot.


**A/N: **I finally finished my Christmas fic, yay! :D I've been working on this for _months, _and now that it's finally complete, I'm posting it a little early. Originally this was for tumblr (those of you on there might have read the first part of this already), but then I decided to prolong it and make it a Christmas present for you guys ^_^

It got _really long._ And I hope I successfully managed to capture the quiet/calm feel I was going for...

******Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. I only own the lame book pun in the summary. And all OCs had their names stolen from Chihayafuru (the stunning anime I am currently obsessed with) =p**

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The library was as silent as it should have been on a crisp, winter day like today, and Kurosaki Karin sat behind the front counter, typing away on a keyboard whose clacking sounds were the only thing she could hear.

A large pile of books sat beside her, all neat and tightly bound by the spine, as one would expect of borrowed objects. It was only fair that they should be returned in the pristine condition they were lent out in, for the public library had no funds that could afford them brand new sets of novels. It was a warning taped on almost every bookshelf, and only the foolish would choose not to yield to it, for the value of words was quite pricey.

The silent librarian continued with her work almost rhythmically, scanning bar codes and filling up the trolley beside her with those that would need to be returned to their proper shelves. Occasionally, the glasses perched on her nose would slip, and she would pause to push them back up, unused to their presence as it had only been a few months since she had acquired them. They were for reading, as it turned out studying into the late hours of the night with only a flashlight under the covers proved deadly for her eyesight. At least it had done the opposite for her grades in school, where she was currently excelling in a manner she was quite content with.

It was these grades that had landed her at her post in the library, because her counselor had taken one look at her marks and immediately asked for her plans on volunteering.

"With grades like these, you'll be set for a high school of your choice," she'd commended, "but it's always a good idea to think beyond that. Colleges in the area might accept you for grades, but if you ever chose to go abroad, it's important to have earned volunteer experience."

"But I'm already busy with practice," she'd argued, pushing up her glasses yet again. "Also, I work part-time at my dad's clinic now."

"Of course, I'm well aware of that," the woman had waved off. "It's not impossible to find something that fits your schedule, though, and it would probably be best not to look for something physically demanding, or else you would only burn yourself out with practice added on top of that." She'd flashed an encouraging smile the girl's way. "Don't worry. I'll find you something."

It was less than a week later when her counselor tracked her down in the hallway, a flyer clutched in her hands.

"The library is always looking for more volunteers," she'd beamed. "It wouldn't require much physically, and a lot of the mothers in the neighborhood already give their time to help, so you would have flexible hours. I think you should look in and ask."

The memory drifted through her mind now, as she rubbed at her weary eyes under her lenses with an index finger and thumb. It certainly had been worth while, with all the experience she earned out of it. And with winter holidays started and practice suspended because of excessive snow on the field, she found it easy to juggle this and her work at the clinic at once.

It was something she enjoyed, too, much to her surprise. She got to chuckle along with parents at their kids' awe at making their very first library card. She got to read children's books to toddlers and preschoolers every week, much to her and their delight. She got to meet people who checked out the strangest books, who then took it upon themselves to teach her about fascinating things she'd never known before.

A small smile played at her lips as she returned to her work, rolling her shoulders to work out the aches as she swiveled back to the computer screen in her chair. It had been just slightly over an hour since her shift started, and she'd been stuck behind the desk all this time, scanning in books people had returned.

It was quieter than usual, as most people had chosen to stay indoors on a frosty day like today, with no work or emergency to force them to venture out. Her own sister had bundled herself in a blanket on the couch, a steaming cup of cocoa warming her hands while she watched a cooking show. It had been with the utmost hesitation that Karin had forced herself to leave the house that day, relaxing only when a blast of air from the library's heating system had unthawed her body. Her jacket and scarf sat in the back room now, along with the gloves her brother had given her for last year's Christmas.

Only very few readers were in the building currently, as they had been before she'd arrived and relieved the volunteering mother of two from her shift. She spied them sitting on the couches past the bookshelves, books cradled in their laps and looks of concentration marring their faces. She wished she could join them, and perhaps she would once she had finished with her work.

With that promise, she happily turned to the very last pile she would need to sort through. It was just as well, for the cart was already overflowing. Aside from the boys in her class who came in to jokingly pester her while she worked, the rest of the students in her school seemed to have stocked up on novels to read during their long break.

The sliding of the automatic fronts doors drew her attention just then, and with her perfect view from the counter, she curiously checked whether another person had braved a visit in the cold.

What she saw caused her eyes to widen.

One Hitsugaya Toushiro had made his way inside, his hands tucked coolly in his pockets as his eyes rolled over the building, surveying everything in the vicinity. His fashion sense, she noted, had remained untouched after all this time; a tie still peeked out from under a white sweater, tightly bound to the collar of a conservatively buttoned, black shirt, while a maroon jacket topped off the ensemble. He was a perfect picture from her past, and she wondered whether he had specific outfits picked out for each of the seasons. Personally, she liked the black T-shirt over gray skinny jeans, a _46_ sewed onto the chest. It reminded her of their first meeting – a simpler time, an innocent time, before she'd become so _aware_ of him.

And aware of him she was, even today, after all this time.

Why did he have to look so perfect, so neatly dressed and untouched and _godly_, while here she sat, dressed in an oversized red sweater her sister had knit that made her look like a Santa who had lost too much weight? At age fifteen, she was awkward and gangly, at least in her own eyes, caught between the stages of puberty and the entry into womanhood. The skinniness, Yuzu had assured her, meant she would grow out into a slim, athletic body in time, but until then, she was stuck with this ungraceful figure.

She picked at the messy ponytail she'd half-hazardly thrown her hair into that morning, suddenly much more aware of her glasses, which were pieced together by thick frames as dark and black as her hair. She hadn't dressed that morning to impress anyone, simply because there was no one she wanted _to_ impress. She had forgotten about him too quickly.

Such was her luck that he spotted her before she could pull off her lenses, and the surprise on his face might have mirrored hers.

"Kurosaki," he stammered, obviously having made no plans to run into someone familiar today, and here of all places. That made two of them.

"Toushiro," she greeted, twisting her baggy sleeve with a single, hooked finger. Did it look as if her sweater had swallowed her whole? she wondered, because it certainly felt that way.

"It's been a while," the taichou made conversation, coming to stop on the other side of her counter. The brief pause told her he was taking time to survey her messy attire, as well as the changes of her face that she had a love-hate relationship with. "You've changed."

"Two years," she retorted, her lips thin and pursed. She glanced at him briefly from the top of her frames. "And you haven't."

A frown settled itself on his lips. It was a look she was quite used to, having been the cause of it herself quite a few times; petting his head, calling him a grade schooler, not denying she was his girlfriend when teased by quite a few people. _What was I thinking?_

"Well, you know _we_ age slowly," he murmured, scuffing his toe against the edge of the counter. "And this gigai is outdated." One hand left his pocket to pick at a lock of his spiky hair. "My hair is different without this body."

"That's too bad," she mused, staring at the computer screen as she did so. "I liked your hair." She could have kicked herself for how rude she was being, but somehow her body had lost its ability to make eye contact with him.

The frown turned down deeper. "It couldn't be helped. Things started changing for everyone not too long ago and, well, my life has gone through some changes, too."

_Like our friendship. _"Well, two years is a long time. For example, two-years-ago-me would have had all the time in the world to talk like this, but present-me has to get back to work."

That was when she finally made contact with his eyes, and she hoped her usual lazy grin didn't look as pained as it felt. Was there really a casual way to basically tell someone to leave her alone?

Perhaps not, because he blinked a few times, maybe shocked at her brevity or maybe just trying to process that she wouldn't stick to him like she'd always done, before the inevitable nod jerked his head. "I didn't realize you worked here," he said, backing away from the counter. "It was a surprise to see you."

"I'm a volunteer, actually," she corrected, wondering inwardly just _how _it was possible for her heart to feel both light and heavy the farther he stepped away from her. "Speaking of the library, is there any special reason you're here? A direction I can point you in?"

If she was fortunate, he would ask for the _Mystery_ section to occupy his time, so she could direct him to the shelves farthest from the counter and avoid the distraction of sneaking involuntary glimpses at him.

He faltered at her question, however, turning a little pink at the tips of his ears. She'd never noticed he had such a habit before, silently cursing at how it took her breath away.

"R-Research," he grunted, turning his head away, and she needed to firmly grasp reality after the shock to realize he was answering her ill-motivated question. "I didn't want to ask my fukutaichou, so I thought a library might help me."

_Is he being shy?_

While she marveled at the astonishing thought, he was too busy scowling at the memory of his subordinate's irritating chime: "_Whaaat, _taichou? You don't know what _Christmas _is? We-ell, I can _tell _you if you ask _nicely~"_

It was with another, more dangerous glare that he shook his head. "I can find it myself, thanks. Nice seeing you."

She watched him stomp away, disappearing moments later behind two bookshelves with both shoulders stiff in defense at whatever must have soured his mood. No matter what he had said about his life in the last two years, he really hadn't changed much at all – still as surly and anti-sociable as always. It was _her _who had changed.

She turned back to the computer, the hand her chin rested on engulfed by her sleeve.

"Yeah, nice seeing you," she muttered, and even her voice dripped with melancholy. "Kind of."

.

.

.

She found him again much later, while shelving books, to discover that he was religiously poring over a book he had found to apparently help with his research.

_Should I tell him? _she pondered endlessly, turned away by the image of him possibly exploding in rage if she did such a thing. It was one of the most clear memories she had of him – the way his hair stood on end and he shoved his face into hers while hollering at the top of his lungs.

_"I'm not an elementary student!"_

Would he say something similar now? A fond smile softened her features as she remembered the incident, even as long ago as it was, and she spent a few peaceful moments stacking away books in their rightful place. Maybe it would be best not to bother him for something so trivial.

_I really have changed, _she admitted to herself, and it was a sad revelation, if not a nostalgic one.

Her younger self would not have cared whether he wished to be disturbed, would have relished in telling him and then enjoyed his embarrassment. Perhaps it was a part of growing up – learning when to give others their space and caring more for what they would think.

The thing was, even when she'd been younger, she knew what Toushiro had thought. He still came back around, after all. She knew that he didn't _hate _it when she dragged him away to play a game, or when she teased him over his love for amanatto while sneaking a few away from his plate for herself. If he had, even slightly, she was confident she would have left him alone as he would have wanted. At twelve, she'd thought he'd been an open book, no matter how hard he tried not to be, and that hadn't changed even by thirteen, when she was more awed by his existence but still understood him perfectly.

But something had changed now that she was fifteen.

Was _this _what it meant to grow up: no longer being able to tell what went on in a boy's mind?

_Or is it not being able to tell what goes on in the mind of a boy you **like?**_

She detested the uncertainty and the self-consciousness she now associated with her past friend, as she had since discovering that she had indeed developed a crush on him over the years of his absence.

If she could have it her way, nothing would have changed; she would still be pressing him with questions at the front counter right now, throwing in a tease about how she had grown taller than him, if only slightly. She would have followed him between those two bookshelves he'd disappeared behind, _insisting _on helping him find the perfect book for his research – and what exactly that research was, she would have wheedled out of him almost instantly.

But she'd done none of those things, and had only wasted the last twenty minutes of her life wondering whether he was hurt or confused by her sudden cold treatment, whether she should march over and apologize, or even just _tell him_ what she had been trying to say since she had chanced upon him again.

"I didn't know it was possible for a Kurosaki to hold their tongue."

It took her much longer than it should have to acknowledge that Toushiro was actually speaking to her, so lost in her thoughts was she. When she slowly regained her senses, it was to find him watching her from his chair, a bemused eyebrow raised into his hairline.

"Did you want to ask what I'm looking up?" he questioned, closing the book in his hand to set it on the table. "You've been staring."

There was something odd about the way he said it, but she had no time to ponder just what it was, as she was too busy defending herself.

"Not staring," she argued, relieved that her voice came out haughty rather than flustered. "Just lost in thought while looking in your general direction."

"Would you like some help, then?" There was a smirk quirking his lips, and she dumbly scrambled to remember whether she had ever seen one on his face before. "If you spend this much time lost in thought, you might not finish work for a while yet."

"It's fine," she brushed him away, not taking up the rare chance he'd given her to lighten up the mood. "I wouldn't want to bother you while you're researching."

Once again, he frowned, and she took notice of how it was different than his frowns in the past. It wasn't trying to scare her away from following him while secretly hoping he wouldn't dampen her spirits. It was much more serious, more concerned and bewildered; _this _frown pondered over her, trying to decipher whether she really was different from her past, whether she truly meant each attempt she made to distance them from each other. After all, the Karin he'd known would have immediately taken up his offer, happy to finish work early at his expense.

Hands tucked in his pocket, he left his chair to shuffle over to her, his frown never changing.

"Kurosaki." His voice was low, almost unnerved. "Is everything okay?" His hand ghosted over her wrist, taking into his grasp the hand that had been frozen over her trolley of books while she daydreamed.

"I-I'm fine!" she assured him, smiling nervously as her stomach performed a few flips at the touch. In a knee-jerk reaction, she twisted her wrist away, flinging his hand off to the side in the process.

It wasn't exactly that it was _Toushiro_, per say, but that she'd grown rather uncomfortable with touch since growing up. It happened with everyone, whether it be a ghost who wandered into her room while she changed, or a friend who slung their arm over her shoulder for too long. She pushed them all away soon enough, content with her own little space and wary of anyone who tried to invade her bubble. Her entire life had been invaded by spirits since she was young, after all, and not all of them had been friendly. So it definitely wasn't Toushiro who was at fault.

Nevertheless, he backed away immediately, although the concern never faded from his gaze as he watched her try and pull off a casual grin.

"I'm just a little disappointed is all," she assured him, "that Ichi-nii can't make it home for the holidays. He has work in Soul Society, right? Seeing you just reminded me of him a little bit."

"_Ah._" Though he made a sound of understanding, there was still distrust for her words in his eyes. Perhaps he knew her as well as she had once known him, though she'd never realized he watched her so closely.

"He might just make it, you know," he suddenly told her, hands back in his pockets as he looked at the shelves with disinterest. She snapped a surprised gaze to his face, which he noticed out of the corners of his eyes. "When I left, he had been skipping meals and staying late so he could finish his work early and leave in time. You never know."

She used a moment of silence to process his words, almost not daring to get her hopes up, before a slow smile spread across her lips. "Yuzu will be happy. She's been wanting to see him for months, and she keeps buying extra food when she shops, just in case he makes a surprise visit and she needs to make extra dinner."

"And you?" he asked carefully, his turquoise gaze piercing hers. It was much too intense for a casual conversation at the library, but then again, she had never known him to be a boy who took anything lightly.

"I'm...happy, too," she slowly assented with a nod of her head.

"I see." His gaze was still very much intense, but now with a softer, almost passionate gleam to them. She almost couldn't breathe when he looked at her that way, shooting her the tiniest of smiles. "I'm glad my words made you happy."

There was nothing she could think of to say to that, aside from furiously praying to herself that she wouldn't blush like a complete fool and maybe give away just how anxious she was to have even a normal conversation with him. She just settled for a slight hum, hoping it sounded like an agreement rather than disinterest, as she returned to putting books away.

"So are you ready to tell me what's been on your mind?" Toushiro asked, bunching his shoulders up to his neck. "I know you have something to say, Kurosaki."

"...You're not going to like it," she warned him, taking a lesson from him and watching him out of the corners of her eyes. A barely suppressed smirk worked its way to her lips, as if to say, _Don't say I didn't warn you._

"I think I should be the one to decide that," he scoffed, leaning forward in interest.

"Suit yourself." She shrugged. "I just noticed how comfortable you looked in your chair while you were reading, so I wasn't sure if I should tell you... This is the children's sitting area."

She was met with silence at her words, as Toushiro looked like he needed a moment to absorb what she had just told him.

"Th-the _children's...?_" he choked out, looking back at the chair he'd been sitting in with horror plastered all over his face. He spluttered uncontrollably, and – yes, there was that wonderful dash of red at the tips of his ears.

And she had to wonder just how he hadn't realized it, when surrounded by bookshelves half the usual size, all littered with picture books encased by brightly colored covers. At the very least, she had thought he would take notice of all the pop-up books she had been shelving throughout their conversation. Even the chairs and tables were miniature, designed to hold an elementary school student at most. It couldn't be possible that a public library would have set out such brightly colored, mini furniture for their visitors to sit on comfortably, unless they were the right size.

"You're more than welcome to stay if you're comfortable," she offered. "The chairs are obviously the perfect size for you, and —"

"Take me to the adult sitting area immediately," he ordered, hastily grabbing his book from the small table. "And not a word of this to anyone."

She grinned, amused to see him so flustered again after two years. "Of course. Follow me, then."

She pushed the trolley of books into the next section as he followed, proud of herself for managing to tease him, just like old times.

.

.

.

His ears burned as he followed her past the bookshelves, and Karin had to stifle a smile.

"You can relax, you know," she spoke up from in front, feeling like she had to say something. "I won't tell anyone. I mean, who _could _I tell?" His fingers drummed over the hard cover of his book absentmindedly, but he said nothing in return, so she continued, "Besides, I doubt anyone who knows you would be stupid enough to bring it up. Are you still touchy about your height?"

"Even _you're _taller than me now," he mumbled bitterly, "so what does that tell you?"

She chuckled softly. "I'm not _that _much taller. If we stood next to each other, you would probably reach my nose. That's not bad at all, you know, because there are some kids at my school who are even shorter than that."

"Are any of _those _kids decades old?" he bit back, icily.

She couldn't fathom _why _he was humiliating himself further, especially when she had taken the initiative to make him feel better about himself. It was a rare occurrence to begin with, for her not to poke fun at him and his height deficiency, let alone do the opposite. Well, perhaps it was simply a more touchy topic than she had originally thought.

"I guess not," she relented with a small laugh. They came to a halt next to one end of a row of bookshelves, and she pointed down the aisle. "If you go down this way and turn right, you should see the sitting area," she directed. "Can't miss it."

"Are you not taking me?" he asked. His eyes suddenly pierced her, and Karin almost lost her breath all over again.

She managed to force out another laugh, but to her ears, it sounded much more awkward than the last one she had managed. "I have a few books to stack here," she explained. "This is as far as I'm taking you, I'm afraid."

It was his queue to leave, but instead he awkwardly drummed his fingers against his book and shuffled on the spot. "Would you like some help?" he finally offered again.

Her heart might have melted had she not been so nervous. Even if the last offer hadn't gone over well between them, it seemed it just wasn't in his character to leave a friend in the middle of a big task without doing _something _to help. It might have come from years of finishing Matsumoto's paperwork, bailing her out of trouble for not doing her work when he could very well have ignored it.

As sweet as it was, however, she bit her lip indecisively, once again retreating away from him and his kindness. It probably wouldn't be best to keep him around, for she'd never get any work done and she would surely make a fool of herself again. She didn't _want _to be rude to him, not even slightly, but it seemed to be her fallback setting in times of discomfort, and she didn't want her crabby reflexes to have more chances to snub him.

As she mulled over the best way to turn down his offer, she noticed how he kept his hands folded firmly over the book in his grasp, refusing to make the same mistake of touching her again. Of course she'd made him uncomfortable after flinging his hand away like that.

"I think I can handle it," it made her finally speak up, and she pushed the cart down the aisle to block his view of her face. She didn't want him to see the shame that was on there.

"If you're sure..."

"Besides, what could you do?" she joked, hoping it would do the trick as she reached for a pile of books. "You're even shorter than me, remember?"

_"Oi," _he reprimanded her almost instantly, and she had to wonder whether it was from practice. "You're not _that _much taller!"

Standing on the tips of her toes, she slid a novel into place, barely managing to push it onto the shelf using her fingertips with her height. Even so, they both knew that had it been him, he wouldn't have been able to reach in the first place.

"I'll go read, then," he huffed, passing by her to complete his research. "Good luck with your work."

"Thanks," she mumbled, the sound muffled by her shoulder as she balanced on her toes again.

The adult's area certainly looked like one, a complete contrast to the seat he'd been reading in. The tables were made of rust-colored wood, and the seats, both large and comfy, were colored a light shade of grey. She watched him take a seat through a space in the shelves, sighing to herself in relief when he cracked open his book and engrossed himself with the contents. Maybe now she could get some work done without feeling like there was a hot wire pressed against her pulse.

She returned to her work gladly, hoping it would provide a distraction from feeling so awful about herself and the way she had treated an old friend. The smell of the books overpowered all her other senses, and the work was so methodical that it almost completely numbed her mind. It was exactly what she needed.

Halfway through the work, however, she found herself holding a book that belonged on the top shelf. A frown twisting her face, she tried to stand on her toes and possibly manage to put it away, but it proved fruitless. No matter how much she attempted, she simply could not reach.

"Excuse me?" someone suddenly broke through the silence, and she looked to her right in surprise to find a middle-aged gentleman smiling down at her. "Would you like some help?" he asked with a small laugh. "I'm sure I could reach."

She didn't even bat an eyelash as a relieved smile stretched across her face, and as she handed him the book, she breathed, _"Please."_

With a nod and a grin to match, he accepted the book and easily placed it on the shelf where she couldn't reach. "Anything else while I'm here?" he offered after. "I'm sure there are others you might not be able to reach?"

With a grin, she nodded her assent and immedaitely reached for another book to hand him. But her eyes flickered to the end of the aisle on instinct, and there, she found Toushiro watching her with cool eyes.

To say his eyes were cool would have been an understatement, in fact. They were _sharp. _They were _frosty. Frigid. _And beneath it all, she swore she saw a flash of betrayal.

Her breath caught, and she stood frozen for a beat longer, simply staring back at him before managing to stutter, "T-Toushiro...?"

"It didn't sit right with me to leave you all alone here to do your work," he explained coldly, "so I came to offer my help again." His cerulean eyes darted to the man behind her. "But it seems you would rather take someone else's help than mine."

There was silence after his words, the accusation ringing through the air. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, though she wasn't sure just _what _she could say in response to that. She wasn't even sure if her thudding heart and winded stomach would _let _her say anything.

But Toushiro saved her from the trouble when he briskly spun on his heels and stalked away, leaving her strangely feeling like she had just stabbed him through the heart.

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The library closed early on Sundays, so by the time five o'clock rolled around, almost everyone inside had begun to make their way out of the building.

Karin sat at her computer and tried to pretend she _wasn't_ keeping an eye on everyone that passed, waiting for a certain shinigami taichou. Half of her hoped that he would come talk to her before he left, and the other half prayed that he'd stay as far away as possible.

She could have talked to him herself – marched up to him right after the incident and explained everything: why she was acting so strange, how she felt about him now, why she _couldn't _bring herself to accept his help. But, of course, she hadn't. She'd simply turned back to the confused gentleman, laughing off the scene with an awkward excuse, and then handed him another book and continued with her work. It was her own fault if things with Toushiro would never be the same, she told herself, but a part of her still wished he'd be the bigger person and try to talk it out.

When he finally did pass by her desk, though, he ignored her. In fact, he barely glanced her way, and Karin felt her stomach drop all the way down to her feet, along with her hopes. Damn it, when did she become such a coward?

She considered calling out to him with some excuse to talk. Maybe she could ask him whether he'd properly returned his reference book to the right shelf. But that was ridiculous. This was _Toushiro, _and anyone who thought he'd done anything less than return his book _and _any strays he found on the way just didn't know him at all.

But she had to say _something_.

Taking a deep breath, she screwed her eyes shut and called, _"Toushiro!" _Her voice was more shrill than she'd wanted it to be, but it did the trick; he halted almost instantly, as if he'd been waiting for just that, and turned back with a raised eyebrow. Karin faltered, as she had nothing prepared to say. "I, uh..."

She started wringing her hands from the sheer anxiety, but the sudden _ring _of the telephone interrupted her just then. They both looked at it simultaneously.

There were always people who called at this hour who wanted to know at what time the library closed, and though Karin was usually annoyed at them, now she was only relieved at getting some extra time as she picked up and said, "Karakura Library."

"Karin-chan?" a breathless voice said back, and Karin recognized the head librarian. Her voice was loud enough to ring out into the empty room, and she knew Toushiro had heard when he raised an eyebrow at the receiver. It made her cheeks grow warmer for some reason – perhaps from how awkward the entire scene was – and she turned her back to him to talk.

"Ayase-san? I was just closing up. Is there something you needed?"

"Our Christmas tree is in," her supervisor explained, her voice still booming. "The one we ordered to set up in the children's corner? If it's not too much trouble, could you go pick it up from the community center? Kana-chan has the first shift tomorrow morning, and she said that if the tree is at the library when she gets there, she doesn't mind decorating it."

"A whole tree?" Karin asked, sounding unsure, and Ayase-san laughed on the other side.

"It's only a small one," she assured the girl. "We're going to set it up on one of the tables, so it couldn't be too big. There's a cart in the back room that should be plenty big enough, so if you put the tree in there, it should be easy to bring back. I'm sorry to spring this on you so suddenly..."

"No, no, it's all right," Karin quickly told her. "The center is pretty close, and if I don't need to carry it back by hand, it should be no problem."

Ayase-san hung up with praises on her tongue, while Karin mentally prepared herself to brave the cold. She had only just set down the receiver, however, when a hand suddenly clamped down around her wrist, and she looked up in surprise to find Toushiro's eyes boring into hers. She felt the wind get knocked out of her.

"I'm going with you," he declared sternly, and before she could say anything, he insisted, "It's winter. The sun sets sooner, and it's already starting to get dark out. Besides, it's freezing, and you have no idea how heavy that tree might be. You might not like accepting my help, _but_ _I'm going with you."_

Karin wasn't sure why she suddenly felt so furious. Perhaps it was hearing that giant misunderstanding get voiced again, and if so, then she realized she was more angry with _herself _than anything, for allowing this to happen. She suddenly wanted to grip him tight and just scream the truth at him, make him understand everything so he wouldn't look so damn _hurt _anymore. And so she wouldn't hate herself so much anymore for _making _him feel that pain.

But she swallowed everything that was on the tip of her tongue and simply looked at the ground to avoid his eyes. "All right," she mumbled. "...Thanks."

More than anything, she hated herself for being this way.

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.

.

The walk to the community center was much more silent and much more uncomfortable than Karin had wanted it to be. They said not one word to each other. Toushiro didn't know the way, so he simply tucked his hands into his pockets and followed after her. More than once, Karin wanted to say something just so they wouldn't have to listen to the rhythmic _crunch _of their boots against the snow that was driving her _insane, _but she bit her tongue. Toushiro didn't seem to want to talk to her, anyway.

The tree turned out to be quite small, just as Ayase-san had said, but surprisingly heavier than Karin had imagined. As much as it made her feel like she was choking, she was relieved that Toushiro had insisted on accompanying her; he loaded the tree onto the cart easily, then popped his Soul Candy into his mouth, emerging in his shinigami form that was undoubtedly much stronger than any human or gigai.

"Get on," he'd ordered stoically, gesturing towards the cart.

Karin had flushed all the way down to her toes at the thought – how _mortifying _would it be to let Toushiro lug her around town as if she were also some lifeless pine tree? – but he'd insisted in a voice so taichou-like that she couldn't refuse outright.

"What if someone sees us?" she'd argued instead. "It wouldn't exactly be normal to see me sitting in a moving cart with nothing pulling it."

"There's hardly anyone out on the streets anymore," he'd rebutted her coolly, "and even if there was, I would sense their reiatsu and avoid them. Now, get in. There's no need for _both_ of us to walk through all this snow, and unlike you, I'm impervious to ice and won't catch an illness from getting wet."

That was how she found herself sitting in a wagon with a tree as a travel companion, her knees tucked to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Toushiro had ordered the soul in his body to head to Orihime's apartment and wait for his return, so it was just the two of them again. The shinigami taichou tugged the cart handle from the front and did not look back even once, making Karin feel very much like a dead weight. If it was someone else but him, they probably would have laughed themselves silly while Karin snapped crabbily about how embarrassing this all was.

_I wonder if he's still mad? _she thought tentatively, staring at his back and feeling a strange sense of longing. He hadn't seemed particularly angry as they left the center, but she knew as well as anyone how practiced he was at hiding his emotions.

Rubbing her hands together and breathing on them for warmth, Karin titled her head back and gazed at the sky. It had started snowing very lightly, and under the dark sky and the orange glow of the street lights, it looked like glitter drifting from the heavens. It was beautiful, and it reminded her of a certain ice weilder.

A sense of longing rushed through her again, and it almost scared her how powerful it was this time.

"Hey, Toushiro?" she mumbled, suddenly feeling like she _had _to say something.

He was silent for a moment, and it dragged on for so long that she wondered if he had even heard her or was simply ignoring her, before he replied with a soft, "Hmm?"

He didn't look back as he said it, but Karin was just so happy that he'd replied at all that she grinned. Twisting her torso to face him, she leaned forward and asked, "What were you researching about today?"

He was silent again, this time for much longer, and Karin feared she'd overstepped her boundaries, even though it had seemed like such an innocent topic. She'd been curious about it, too, letting it drift through her mind on more than one occasion as she worked.

Toushiro suddenly spoke up, his words hesitant. "I was...unclear about certain human customs and wanted to educate myself." He paused again, then continued, "The concept of Christmas is not something I'm familiar with."

Karin took time to process that. "You didn't know what Christmas was?" she repeated, feeling the incredulity build up inside her before — _"Pfffffft." _Unable to control herself, she belted out a laugh that was more like a bark than anything else, and she didn't even have time to feel embarrassed about it when she was too busy gasping for breath.

Toushiro grit his teeth and whipped his head around to glare at her in that adorable way that only he could. _"Oi!"_

"Sorry, sorry," she laughed back, rubbing at the tears in her eyes and shooting him a grin. "It's just...this entire time I thought it was some super secret, shinigami business. That you were checking up on some history or investigating someone's death. I didn't think it was something like _that."_

He _harrumphed _and faced away again, but the atmosphere between them was the lightest it had been the entire trip. She was glad she'd said something.

"Anything else you're curious about?" she asked innocently. "I could answer your questions for you."

"I knew I should never have told you," he grumbled, picking up the pace as he got more irritated. "You're as insufferable as always, Kurosaki."

Karin smiled at his back, but it melted somewhat as the seconds ticked by.

"Hey, Toushiro?" she said again quietly, looking down at her hands. "Why do you call me 'Kurosaki?'"

She could hear the surprise in his voice as he answered. "_All _your friends call you 'Kurosaki.'"

"I _know _all my friends call me 'Kurosaki,'" she replied, shaking her head. "But why do _you _call me 'Kurosaki?'"

He didn't anwer right away, and she peeked at his face to find that he had furrowed his eyebrows and puckered his lips in thought, almost as if puzzled by the very idea of her asking the question. It made sense, for she'd never brought it up before, even though they'd been much closer in the past.

"I...suppose I never thought I was welcome to," he finally remarked, sounding unsure. "I didn't think you wanted me to call you 'Karin.'"

"I want you to call me 'Karin,'" she replied almost instantly, gaping at his back with wide, astonished eyes. All this time she'd thought he'd been putting distance between them by sticking to using her surname, and it turned out to be a simple case of not communicating enough.

"Then I will," he said slowly, his shoulder tense.

Karin suddenly felt very warm despite the winter chill, and looked at him hopefully. "Say it?"

His eyes flitted back to look at her before he immedaitely looked forward again, but there was no hiding the redness of his ears. He was being shy again.

"...Karin."

A hush fell over them. Everything was still, save for the whistling of the wind and the crunching of the snow, until Karin let out a small, happy sigh.

"Yeah," she said softly, then leaned back and smiled at the sky once again. "Yeah..."

.

.

.

It was pitch black when they finally returned to the library. Toushiro dropped her off at the front door, asking her once again whether it was okay to simply leave her there.

"I've locked up a dozen times before," she assured him, carefully stepping out of the cart. With no snow under the hood over the door, even she could wheel the tree inside herself. "Besides, Oyaji said he would come pick me up, and I don't want to head home and possibly miss him."

"Is it okay for you to be all alone?" he asked, and if it had been anyone else, she wouldn't have been so touched about the worry.

"I'll be locking myself inside until Oyaji gets here," she said, jingling the keys in her pocket for emphasis.

"...All right," he agreed reluctantly. "I'll go, then."

But he didn't move. Instead, he stared at her face, the lines of his forehead serious and thoughtful, and she self-conciously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"What?"

"Are you going to tell me why you were acting so strange today?" he asked, cocking his head slightly to the side to appraise her. "Or why you wouldn't accept my help?"

She froze, feeling all the blood rush to her head all at once. She'd thought _(hoped) _that he'd forgotten all about her behavior after the sweet moment they had just shared, even though it had been niggling at the back of _her _head from the very beginning. What could she say that wouldn't likely give away all her thoughts, that wouldn't make them reevaluate their friendship, possibly before they were ready?

"It...It's a secret," she muttered, meeting his gaze head-on in an attempt to convey just how much she didn't want to talk about this.

But that look gave away too much. She felt it in the saddened quirk of her eyebrows, in the warmth of her eyes, in the tug of her lips, in the flush of her cheeks. She shouldn't have looked at him, she realized, because all her secrets were laid bare before him in the deep, _deep _longing on her face.

_I've fallen in love with you. It hurts to be near you. It hurts that I can't have you. __I don't want to ruin our friendship. __I'm scared to make the first move. I'm scared that it won't work out. I'm scared that you'll reject me. But I still want you._

The understanding on his face was almost unbearable, and Karin wrapped her arms around herself, caging herself away and steeling herself for rejection.

A warm hand suddenly grazed across her cheek, and in her shock, she whipped her head around to gape at him. Toushiro's eyes widened, and he immedaitely recoiled, his fingers half-curling as he pulled his hand back.

"S-Sorry!" he apologized quickly, his ears reddening. "I know you don't like to be touched —"

Karin bounded forward and caught his retreating hand in both of her own, and he broke off in a stammer as she gently guided it back to her face. Uncurling each of his fingers, she laid her head against his palm so that he cupped her cheek, and then smiled at him.

"It's okay." Her voice came out in a bare whisper. "You can touch me."

He swallowed thickly, giving one sharp nod in understanding, and his hand relaxed against her skin to hold her cheek more naturally. Karin refused to let go of his arm, gripping it with both hands as if afraid that he would pull away. He was so warm despite the chill in the air, and she remembered his immunity to the cold. Perhaps that was why just one touch warmed her all the way down to her curled toes.

They stood there staring into each other's eyes for a long, long time, until neither were sure just how much time had passed and until neither of them cared anymore. She was so relieved – _so relieved _– to have not been rejected that it made her knees weak. They hadn't made any outright declarations and she knew someday they would have to, but for now, the moment was perfect. Feeling more at bliss than she had at any other moment in her life, she fluttered her eyelids shut.

It was his thumb gently stroking her cheek that caused her to open them again, and her heart jumped when she noticed he was looking at her so much more differently. There was _hunger_ in his eyes, and a longing almost as powerful as what she'd been dealing with.

"Karin," he murmured, "...may I kiss you?"

Her breath caught. "K-Kiss?"

"I thought I'd ask," he continued, "since you're so uncomfortable with touch. Your father will be here soon and I have to patrol tonight, but before I go, I would very much like to kiss you." He licked his lips once, then looked at her through his lashes. "So, may I?"

"...I don't mind," she said quietly, "but I can't see why anyone would want to kiss _me_."

"I can think of plenty of reasons," he whispered, his face getting closer to hers. He was breathing really fast, and she realized that she was, too.

"A-A greeting kiss?" she asked, nibbling on her bottom lip and darting her eyes to the ground. "Like, for Christmas?"

His eyes were intense, his voice husky. "Think of it what you will."

And he leaned forward and closed the gap between them, covering her mouth with his own in a kiss so sweet that she hadn't even considered him capable of it. She saw stars behind her fluttering eyelids, as well as fairy lights and dusty sparkles. He pulled away much too soon, and she was embarrassed to realize that her mouth trailed after his, seeking his lips for another kiss. Through her half lidded eyes, she swore she saw him smirk.

"I'll come see you on Christmas day," he promised faintly, though she could barely hear him through her muddled thoughts. "I hope you'll do me the honor of sharing another kiss under the mistletoe." With one last stroke of her cheek, he disappeared so swiftly it was as if he'd never been there at all.

And for once, it were _her _ears that burned.

* * *

**A/N: **_SO. MUCH. FLUFF._ This was originally supposed to be a drabble with just that first scene, and I wanted to end it with an angsty sort of feel. But then I got bitten by the writing bug, haha.

The first draft of this also included Toushiro's POV, in which you find out that he was just as insecure about seeing Karin and totally misinterpreted all of her strange behavior as a sign of his own faults. It was all kinds of adorable :3 But then I totally changed the direction of this fic one day, out of nowhere, because my muse is fickle like that.

Also, my imagination is constantly battling over what I think Karin will be like when she's older. One part of me imagines her to be just as blunt and lively as she was as a kid, which is how I usually write her, and the other part thinks she'll be more introverted and quiet, perhaps even more self-conscious about certain things. And the latter is why you got to read Karin as an awkward teenager :)

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed it! And no matter what you celebrate (or even if you don't celebrate anything at this time at all), I wish you all **HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :D**


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